Down to the River

The Name River

April 3rd, 2020

Part One: Written by husband Nate

“No man ever steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man.” —Heraclitus

Rivers have always represented a source of life. Trees planted near the stream bear good fruit. The “fertile crescent” is situated between the mighty Tigris and Euphrates. The Egyptians worshiped Hapi, the god of the flooding Nile, in celebration of the rich soil such flooding produced. The Nile River Valley is even shaped like a lotus flower, which in ancient Egypt was a symbol for creation and life.

Rivers always point towards something greater than themselves, as they search for a lake or ocean to contribute towards.

Our third son, currently about twenty-two weeks into his in-utero life, will be called River. We do not yet know the extent of the physical and mental challenges that River may be faced with, if any. What we do know is that the journey of River’s life is not measured in a binary fashion of “healthy” or “unhealthy.” River’s life will be filled with innumerable joys, challenges, mountains, valleys, seasons of drought and of overflowing, all pointing towards something greater than any of us can imagine, and all while being embraced by the loving arms of his family and by the God in whose image he is created.

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the most high dwells” ( Psalm 46:4)

Part Two: Written by Autumn

John 7:38: “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”

[Lyrics of “Down to the River to Pray” by Alison Krauss, “There is a River” by Heritage Singers, “Come to the Water” by Chris Tomlin]

The Bible is filled with reference to “living water” that only Christ can provide. And there are hundreds of songs (both Christian and secular) with “river” as a theme—many of which follow a similar pattern of seeking life and renewal amidst the chaos and heartbreak.

In “A River Runs Through It,” fly fishing is the controlling metaphor. “Fly fishing, for Maclean, is a way of ordering chaos, an attempt to momentarily return to Eden, despite the evidence of a fallen world beyond their rivers.”

Nate’s quote at the beginning that says no man steps into the same river twice because “it is not the same river and he is not the same man” is already applicable to our last month even, since we heard the news that our son is facing some serious obstacles; we already feel changed. Yes, this is the hardest struggle I’ve ever experienced personally but it’s also been the sweetest time for me in feeling the Lord’s closeness. Scripture and prayer have never meant so much to me, nor has it been so rewarding and life-giving. Our son River has truly changed me and has brought God into the forefront of my mind like never before, and I can honestly say I am not afraid of the challenges that lay ahead because I know God’s water does not run dry and I’ll never thirst again.
The Beginning: The Anatomy Scan

March 13th, 2020

Mere hours after our third son, River, was born full term at eight pounds on July 30th, 2020, I wrote it out and shared it publicly—the journey we had been on, beginning at the anatomy scan ultrasound halfway through pregnancy on March 13, 2020.

What was found at this ultrasound was a handful of such severe abnormalities, I was asked if terminating pregnancy was an option we’d be considering. Our world turned upside down that day.

There was an open neural tube defect called an encephalocele—a hole at the base of the skull that could be surgically fixed at birth (not without risks) IF no brain tissue gets inside of it, which would create a growth on the back of his neck and undoubtedly affect him cognitively, as well. In addition to this, there was some sort of canal defect in his heart that would also require surgery at birth. In addition to this, there was membrane in the brain that appeared to be missing.. BECAUSE of all of these anomalies, there was an even greater concern about whether or not there was a chromosomal abnormality or another type of genetic syndrome taking place….one in particular that sounded so awful and life-threatening I did not share with another soul until I knew whether or not that would be our situation.

Fast forward to a couple months later, when we were sent to Johns Hopkins for a full day of testing. I was without Nate due to Covid restrictions but I was not without the Lord. There we found that some of the issues originally noted were resolved or downgraded; most notably, the canal defect in the heart was no longer there, the encephalocele was still free of brain tissue and surgery could be held off until 6-9 months after birth, and the “missing” membrane was now appearing in normal condition. The Lord was moving mountains. We also picked up a few additional concerns that day. First, there was a hole in the heart that would need to be fixed if it didn’t close on its own. Second, the MRI on his brain picked up bumpy sides on the ventricles of his brain they referred to as nodular heterotopia. This could indicate he will have seizures at some point (how severe, no one knows), cognitive delays of some sort (how severe, no one knows), or it might not amount to anything at all. And lastly, my cervix was alarmingly short—mean gestational age for cervixes even close to how short mine was is 32 weeks. The doctors kinda freaked and put all these interventions in place (progesterone, silicone device under my cervix, largely limited my physical activity). They urgently began preparing me to go into labor that very night at 27 weeks 2 days…injected my leg with steroids that would help his lungs develop more aggressively and had me get a second dose at my home hospital if I even made it home before delivering.

Fast forward back to his birth on July 30th, 2020:

Here we are at the birth of our son River, with significantly less setbacks/less severe setbacks than what we were looking at originally. Much is still unknown… now, in his first year of life, and maybe even throughout his life. He is currently in the NICU being evaluated and monitored, and will shortly be transported via ambulance over to Children’s for additional testing/monitoring.

But God has the final say and I am here for it. All of it. Our faith has been put to the test and I am blown away by the comfort and peace He has been giving me and my family every single day of this intense journey, whether things were looking grim or hopeful. This hasn’t been my battle; it has been the Lord’s, for “the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). The amount of fervent prayer covering him is indescribable. River is not the River he was and was predicted to be, Nate is not the same man, I am not the same woman, and I know my family and close friends can and would say the same. How much this little boy has already impacted all of us brings me to tears and I excitedly await the rest of our days with him.

The Name River

The Beginning: The Anatomy Scan