God speaks to us when we pray.

Just wait for it. It doesn’t necessarily happen the moment we start to pray. Just wait for it.

I am in a ten-week intensive study with some friends and last night we had prayer night – a couple hours of first group prayer and then individual prayer. And I want to share what the Lord spoke to me in case it brings YOU closer to God or to God’s amazing truths in your own walk.

There are blinding lights scattered throughout the church sanctuary above me as I lay down to pray that I was trying to avoid at the beginning of my prayer time….couldn’t get comfortable, kept squirming to find the right position that would successfully and comfortably block out the light. But as I kept squirming, I also kept praying. And as I kept praying, my effort to block out the light became useless and no longer of value to me….I began letting the light shine right on down.

I continued praying. Tears were coming in for no specific reason other than I was simply feeling God’s closeness and recognizing God’s greatness. That’s often what prayer does. I opened my eyes and began picturing the bright light being God. God’s strong eye contact and God’s loving nature. God’s bright presence shining down on me, smiling down on me. Because we know this to be true, that God DELIGHTS in us and CRAVES that intimacy with us. That intimacy I was trying to avoid. But wherever I was in this process that I just laid out – whether squirming against God’s presence at the beginning or coming around to recognizing it as God’s presence and being in awe of it, welcoming it and embracing it…..GOD WAS THERE JUST THE SAME. In the same way, same exact posture of shining down/smiling down on me. His posture towards us never changes.

This was part 1 of what God was revealing to me – the moment the lights above me took on a different form. God continued revealing Himself to me as I continued praying, and I am going to share that, as well. Maybe God will use it in your own life and faith. This second revelation is what the title of this post refers to: BE THE LIGHT.

Earlier in the prayer time with God, when still trying to avoid the bright lights, I felt on my heart a time to confess the times I feel irritated or even worse, point irritation towards my children, especially when it’s them being CHILDREN – beautiful, in-the-moment, not-distracted-or-burdened-by-the-serpents-we-are-as-adults children, wanting to share what they find funny or interesting, what’s on their lovely, present-minded brains….but because it’s interrupting MY serpent-littered-adult mind that’s concentrating on all the WRONG things…..I’m annoyed. I’m impatient. I’m gritting my teeth trying to sound nicer than I feel.

So anyways, now here I am, my train of thought being interrupted by a change of heart with these lights. Interesting how NOW my train of thought being interrupted is not a bad thing….it takes me TO the fruits of the Spirit instead of away from it. And God started hitting me over the head with further reflection.

LORD, I WANT TO BETHE LIGHT FOR MY CHILDREN. We as Christians talk about being the light. And scripture does too….Matthew 5: 15-16 says: “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” But what I LOVE about Scripture is that we are consistently faced with different ways to see it and read it and feel it as we journey through life. So how am I coming to understand it now? Here is how:

Forget trying to shut out my idols when my kids are interrupting my train of thought or mundane tasks, FORGET TRYING TO BE NICER. Tara Leigh Cobble, host of the Bible Recap, said it just today in my ears: “STRIVING IS CUMBERSOME, EXHAUSTING WORK.” Oh how I yearn to stop striving!!

Lord, help me QUIT striving to sound less harsh, to quit striving to emit a more loving tone….it’s no wonder this is a continual struggle!! I have to get to the ROOTS of this ongoing struggle of wanting to be kinder. And here are the roots:

Lord, I want to be the light – that blinding, never-changing, shining-down-on, smiling-down-on, ever-present light to my children that I wrote about above, THAT I FEEL YOU BEING TO ME. I want to be EAGER to hear from them. I want to WAIT to hear from them. I want to be that warm and approachable light that they can count on that whenever and however they seek me, they have a warm, shining, smiling presence who DESIRES to be close to them and wants to hear from them.

And Lord, I’m sorry for how wrong I have it. How wrong I’ve always had it. But let me also cling to the TRUTH that RIGHT NOW, you want to transform me and IT’S NEVER TOO LATE. You told the woman in John 8:11: “Go, and sin no more.” He wants us NOW an He wants us to leave our pasts behind, to just drop everything and follow Him. Follow what He is speaking to us NOW. Forget the past.

Lord, I will continue to be impatient and irritable because that’s what we do. It’s our human nature. But let me not FORGET this new framing I felt coming directly from You tonight, that you shone down on me. That when we pray, you speak. And tonight, you spoke.

And let me come back to this again and again. Lights from above are always present, whether inside or outside, so let that be a consistent reminder to me to BE THE LIGHT to others. To my children and to all.

May you all be the light to everyone in your life, too. Pray for that.

“I’m not leaving the same way I came in” (“At the Altar” by Anna Golden ) – that’s IT right there, what happens when we pray. Set-aside, laser-focused prayer.

It’s absolutely no coincidence that the song I chose to sing (karaoke-style so I can read the words on my phone as the song plays, a nightly routine!) to Penn last night after this prayer time, which was “Never Lost” by Cece Winans, began and ended with the image of a spotlight, which I’ve never ever noticed (screenshot below). That was God right there….confirming to me what He is teaching me. As my friend Mary says……”Holy Spirit chills!”