Thanksgiving night, my (Pgh) family and I sat together discussing all that has transpired with River, crying tears of joy together, remembering what God has done. I read some of my prayer journal to them that included the darkest days and darkest moments of my life, but it was followed with “but I know I won’t always feel this way. I trust I won’t. I know I will look back and feel deep in my soul how the Lord moves.” And even one week later I had written that God already was moving, that He was already changing and transforming me. And I knew he would continue to.

I recently went on a drive and listened to “Victory Belongs to Jesus.” This was a song that brought my whole extended family together (virtually) to thank God for the prayers he was answering for River. And it reminded me of all He has done in River’s life and all He will continue to do.

I look at my other two kids and I know I’ve been thankful for them and joyful in experiencing them growing up, but my journey with River has changed my lens with my other two, too, believe! How much we take for granted and just assume good things and feel entitled to them. I’m not even saying He has always answered prayers the way I have asked Him to or that He has said yes to all of my petitions. On this side of heaven, we still get let down and beat up. But he equips us. He changes what we want out of our circumstances. He transforms our perception of circumstances. He softens our hearts and grants us this present-mindedness and gratefulness and joy that doesn’t make sense and that we can’t get anywhere else. Fruits of the Spirit become natural byproducts of our dedicated time in prayer: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. And for that I am a better mother to all three of my kids since relying on prayer as much as I have been throughout this past year.